Best Birthday Present

Gracie's 1st Beach Trip

On November 7, 2009 we landed in Portland Oregon and when the wheels of the plane touched the pavement on the runway Gracie Li Hope became a US citizen. It was the end of a long and miraculous journey to bring her home and the start of her new life of freedom. It was also my birthday and the best birthday gift I had ever received.

Sarah and Gracie

This year Gracie is experiencing another first, because of the generosity of a wonderful family who are letting us use their beach house, we are at the Oregon coast. Gracie was able to see the ocean for the first time and as she was looking out over that vast ocean to the west a couple of thoughts struck me. The first was how often when she was younger that Sarah had asked if China was across the ocean. This was even before we had decided to adopt and she would always talk about how she wanted to go to China. Looking back I think God was preparing her heart and ours even then. And now all of these years later Sarah was standing on the beach looking west over the vast ocean with her little sister to a place they had both experienced together.

My girls

I was also struck with how much Gracie's life had changed in one year. She went from being alone in a big world to standing on the edge of the world with her family as we strolled along the beach. At one point when the water came in she got scared and tried to run but the water caught up with her and she fell. It scared her and she cried out and we were there to pick her up. One year later it's still the best birthday present a guy could ask for.

Celebrating 'Gotcha' Day

The iconic picture of
Gracie on Gotcha day wearing
and holding her only possessions;
a red outfit, yellow shoes, a dish rag
and a bag of formula

Gracie today

One year ago today we held a screaming, frightened little girl in our arms for the first time and realized that as happy as we were to meet her, she was just as UN-happy to meet us. It was a day that we will remember fondly for the rest of our lives as the long wait was finally over and we held our precious Gracie Li Hope. So much has happened in one year as we've seen this scared little girl blossom into an outgoing, friendly charmer who can melt any heart with her smile. We are so blessed and know that we share this feeling with all of the other families who shared that day with us. Even though we were all in different places our hearts were and still are united in this one blessed moment. A special thank you goes out to all of our friends, family, and community for embracing our little Gracie Li Hope with such open and willing arms. You are a blessing beyond words!

A real American now!

We entitled the 'Gotcha Day' video below "Cheerios" for obvious reasons. It still brings tears to my eyes as I watch the first moments of attachment happen.

Click HERE for the YouTube version if this doesn't work.

One Year Ago

The Stitzel 3 departing at PDX

It's hard to believe that one year ago today we landed in Beijing, China at the beginning of the end of our journey to get our little Gracie. Now that she become part of our family it's hard to believe that she wasn't always with us. As I sit to write this I am flooded with memories of those days that are surprisingly vivid after a year. I remember the long, and seemingly endless flight to get there and how the immigration check in area of the Beijing airport seemed so outdated. The first family we met were the Wrights, who were on the same flight with us but we were completely unaware of how our families would be linked forever.  They loaded us in a van to go to the hotel and the thing that struck me was how dark it was because there were so few street lights. 

Diana looking out of the hotel window

The hotel was nice but the beds were smaller and harder than we expected and after a less than perfect nights sleep it was off to breakfast where we first saw many of the families who would share this experience with us. It was kind of surreal looking back on it. We were all there together yet for the most part we didn't know who anyone was. One thing we were grateful for was the familiar selections at breakfast, it was very comforting having something familiar. 

Diana and Sarah

After breakfast we all loaded onto our bus for sightseeing at Tienanmen Square, Forbidden City, and Summer Palace. All wonderful places but it was kind of an odd way for all of the families to get acquainted. I recall all of the emotions that flooded my heart as we walked those first few steps in the square, something about that moment kind of brought everything to together for us in that we were really in China about to complete this long journey to Gracie. Looking back it's interesting to think that we knew we were soon going to get her, but she had no idea we were this close. 

Day 1-Dinner Restaurant

The meals together were really special time of bonding with each other. I find it interesting just how close we remain to those families we shared our meals with those first days in Beijing. The food was wonderful and not at all what I expected. It was nothing like all of the stories of strange cuisine that you hear about from other travelers. 

Sarah and Diana with
our pearl sales clerk

We also had two shopping side trips to the pearl market and the silk factory. It was interesting to see how these markets worked and how much they were tailored to tourists like us. The staff were aggressive but so friendly you didn't mind and the haggling was a lot of fun. They were always willing to make a deal. The thing that stood out to me the most was how plain and unappealing the shops looked on the outside. They looked like your run of the mill strip mall but inside they were loaded with expensive merchandise.  

Diana and Jerry at Tienanmen Square  

When we finally arrived back at the hotel after a long day of fighting jet lag and sightseeing we were ready to hit the sack and prepare for our second day of Beijing and one day closer to Gracie Li Hope.

Uncomprehended Gifts

When we landed in the United States on November 7, 2009 Gracie Li Hope automatically became a US Citizen. She didn't have to do a thing in order for that to happen because all of the requirements were fulfilled on her behalf by someone else. As her parents we loved her before she was even born, we started the process to adopt her a year before she was conceived and we didn't even know anything about her until she was almost 2 1/2 years old. We completed all of the paperwork and went through all of the evaluations to qualify to be her family and she wasn't even aware of any of this. Everything we did for here made it possible for her to receive three very special gifts the day she landed in the United States:

Gift of citizenship was given to her. In the future she'll be able to vote, speak her mind (which she's already doing quite well), and do everything else any American citizen can do and she's blessed because she doesn't have to wait or do any paperwork because we did all of that for her.

Gift of a forever home was given to her. Gracie was blessed to be in a wonderful foster family for most of her life before becoming part of our family and we are grateful to all of those who made it possible. But even with that amazing gift it was still only a temporary arrangement. Even after we legally adopted her in China,the adoption wasn't officially recognized in the United States until we landed.

Gift of a spiritual heritage was given to her. Even though Gracie will have to make the decision to follow Jesus for herself when she's old enough to do so, she will have experienced the love of Jesus through her family, and friends in such a way that this decision will be a natural one for her. In her birth country 'Christianity' is an officially recognized religion but it's not at all certain that she would have had the opportunity to really know who Jesus is or even to own her own copy of the Bible.

As we celebrate Gracie's 3rd birthday and she enjoys opening her gifts she will completely unaware of three of the most important gifts that she will ever receive.

Thanks for the Booger

The other day I was driving Gracie to pick up her sister Sarah from school. On our way I heard a persistent plea for assistance from the car seat in the back. Of course since Gracie is still working on learning English there are times when she doesn't know how to say what she wants to and she resorts to grunts and random words to try to communicate.

It was clear she needed something because her pleas were getting louder and more persistent. When I glanced back I noticed she was holding out her hand with her thumb and index finger pinched together and she wanted to give me something. We finally came to a stop light and I reached back, thinking it would have been nice to be double jointed right at that moment, and accepted the little gift she had pinched between her fingers. It was a  booger! She had discovered this nugget and when she had extracted it from her nose she didn't know what to do with it. She didn't have a tissue, and she didn't want to wipe it on her clothes (thankfully) or car seat (thankfully again) so the logical solution was to give it to dad. Since she didn't know what it was called in English she couldn't warn me of her intentions so in trying to be a diligent father I learned a valuable lesson: teach your children what a booger is and how to say it early in life! What? You were expecting the lesson to be 'make sure there was a tissue'? C'mon I'm a dad!

Ah the joys of parenthood!

Happy Day!

Today is Gracie Li Hope's third birthday but it's also her first birthday. Her first birthday as a United States citizen and most importantly her first birthday with her forever family. It's an exciting day for all of us as we celebrate together. She received her first birthday card in the mail from her maternal grandparents, her first birthday song from her paternal grandparents, her first Facebook birthday greetings (compliments of dad's Facebook account) and her first birthday gifts from her forever family.

It's always fun to watch a child celebrate a birthday. When I went home for lunch she greeted me with a loud "Happy Day" and she couldn't wait to show me her birthday card. She just kept skipping and dancing around the house saying 'Happy Day!" So cute! But in a way very ironic that she inadvertently left out "birth" because we'll most likely never know her real birthday. She was found on July 3 and the orphanage staff estimated that she was about a month old so June 1 was the day that was chosen for her. The interesting thing is that June 1 is Children's Day in China and yet there are so many children who are waiting to be placed with a forever family of their own. We're so happy that we are now part of Gracie's family and that she is part of ours and our prayer is that somehow God will use a little girl whose name means 'Blessed Beautiful Hope' to encourage others to help children find their forever families through adoption.    

 With that we celebrate Gracie Li Hope's 3rd - 1st birthday.

To help other children please consider supporting An orphan's Ticket Home, Grace and Hope for Children or Hope 4 China.

Attachments

One of the questions that most adoptive parents ask themselves on their journey of adoption is "Will I be able to bond with this child and they with me?" I think this is especially true for adoptive parents who have already had biological children since they have something to compare it to. I have to admit that I didn't give it much thought because I was sure that it would all work out no matter what happened. But along the road I learned a new and valuable lesson about bonding and attachment from our new little girl.

By its very nature adoption is always the result of some catastrophic event in the life of the child and even sometimes in the life of the adoptive parents. So from the very outset there are challenges and those challenges are magnified when the child is old enough to have some idea of what is going on. When I think about how Gracie must have felt when her nanny handed her to this strange family who didn't look anything like the people she was used to being with it almost breaks my heart. As happy as we were to see her she was just as unhappy to see us. Our tears were tears of joy and hers were tears of fear and sorrow and while she couldn't totally comprehend what was happening to her she knew something was up.

One of the things that sticks with me is watching Gracie go through the process of accepting us into her life. Once she got over the initial shock of being with us it seemed that she accepted being with us like a child would accept a babysitter. She had to depend on someone and so she chose to trust us but as the days went on and it became apparent to her that she was stuck with us she had to make another adjustment to accept us as her family. I believe biological children come pre-wired for that but adopted children have to make that decision. But it's not just the adopted child that has to make that transition the adoptive family does too, and that's where attachment issues can become evident.

I'm happy to say that our attachment journey has been a good one. Gracie attached to me first, then her sister, and finally with mom. We think it took a little longer for her to really accept mom because of her relationship with her foster mom in China. I'm sure it took a while for her little heart to stop grieving the loss of the only woman she had known as a mother. But as we have shared our love with her she has learned that she can trust us and that we aren't going to leave her and now she feels comfortable is expressing her love to us It's so precious when she spontaneously will come up to us and start kissing our faces. She'll start with out cheek, then she wants to kiss our head, then finish up with a big kiss! Yep she's our daughter alright.

Pulling My Leg?

Sorry it's has been a while since I've updated this blog. Almost 6 months has passed since bringing Gracie home with us and through all of the adjustments in our family routine and the changes she has experienced we have found this whole experience to be more wonderful than we could have expected. Our daily routines bring opportunities for special moments, especially when it comes to learning the English language.

Gracie, like all children her age, is like a little information sponge. I'm amazed at how quickly she has learned to communicate with us using English words and small phrases, and when words fail she has learned to use expressions and gestures to get her point across. One of the funny things she does as a 2 1/2 year old is using the universal selective listening ploy. It's obvious she understands more than she lets on and every once in a while she gives us the old "don't you know I speak Chinese" look as she ignores our requests.

But she occasionally gives herself away like the other evening. We were sitting in the living room and Gracie was being silly and trying to trick us into thinking she couldn't do something we knew she could do so I said "I know what you're doing, you're pulling Baba's leg!" She looked at me and smiled, then walked over and grabbed my leg and started pulling on it laughing heartily as she did.

Now we know who's really pulling who's leg!

Gracie Li Dancing 1

I think she's adjusting quite well...

Chinese Hand Painting

We saw this artist creating these incredible images by only using his hands. No brushes, etc. Amazing.